i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
