Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
