it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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