you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
