I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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