I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
