maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
