I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
