Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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