all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
