So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
