So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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