I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
