Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
