I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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