Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
