maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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