oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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