insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
