I met the friendliest cop last night
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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