Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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