Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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