My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
