How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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