All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You're like the curious george of whores
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
