Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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