Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
