He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
