News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
this is an emotional support booty call
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
