At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
