nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
