im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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