Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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