tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
