I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
