you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
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So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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