we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
