Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
