FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
