So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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