She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
