my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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