I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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