She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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