Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
