My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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