Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
