ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
