My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
