youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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