There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
