Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
where are you?
Hypothermia
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
