Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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