He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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