Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
