My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
