Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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