took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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