I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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