I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
