Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
