she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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