She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
