she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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