I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
