Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
