If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
