Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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