Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..