my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
