So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.