Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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