So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Semen is not good for contacts.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"