you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.