he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
