Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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