Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
