Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well I just put wine in my tea
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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