Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
