you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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